Don't Pop That Thing.

July 15, 2019




“Tell me what you know about the night terrors every night
5 A-M cold sweats, waking up to the sky”

It’s awesome that now your partner/friend/family member can just read the previous post and learn how to deal with you before you start running around the room in circles, hyperventilating and asking to call 911, cause there is a slight possibility that you might die randomly out of nowhere just this second, like RIGHT NOW.

But what do you do if you are the victim of your own shit-thoughts? I am sure you don’t do it on purpose but face it: you and only you are responsible of causing this chaos, suffering and unhappiness.

Traditionally, it is recommended to combine pharmacological and psychological treatments in order to achieve success and live a happy life. I however prefer avoiding everything that is sold in a carton pharma box and requires you to swallow it. Unless I am in a physical pain.

So together with your help I’ve listen below things that I’ve tried and that worked for me, as well as recommendations I’ve collected from people.

1.     Therapy.
I remember the day I went to a therapist who after 30 minutes asked me “Why are you here and what do you want from me?”. I wanted a stranger who would listen to me. I didn’t need any help, I just wanted to be heard. After the first session, of me talking non-stop for an hour I’ve realized two important things:
-   This is happening to me because I am too closed emotionally
-       Having friends is great but how many of them know how to actually listen?
That day I went home and for the first time in a while I didn’t have any anxieties in a subway, but rather spent whole road re-thinking my whole approach to friendships and ability to open up.

Therapy didn’t last long because I eventually ran out of things to say, got better and switched a country.

Pluses: You are not being judged, nobody is rushing to give you a shitty advice and this person is not involved in any way in your worries.
Minuses: Can be expensive.


2.     Pills.
I’ve tried pills. I hated it. They make me feel weak, sleepy and unhappy. On top of that, for at least 6 months I had only two types of emotions: Happiness or an absolute apathy. I don’t do Xanax or any other sedatives and I don’t recommend doing it. Also, Xanax addiction can be extremely dangerous. The lethal dosage is actually unknown, but if you enjoy playing Russian Roulette with yourself – feel free to continue.

Pluses: If you are really fucked in your head, can’t sleep/eat/or generally suicidal, might be a temporary solution but you will still need to sort out your H-E-A-D.
Minuses: All the side-effects, addictions and emotional rollercoasters after you stop taking them.

3.     Greeeeen.
Ironically this is how I experienced my first panic attack.
Alternative solution: CBD drops. (If it is legal in your country of course...)

4.     Exiting the room.
Changing location helps a lot as you feel pressured by all four-walls of the room. Just go to another room.

5.     Windows.
Since you are suffocating, open a window if possible and sit next to it while you’re breathing.

6.     Breathing techniques.
I am not going to teach you here how to breathe, so just head to google and check out how to do three-part yoga breathing. Cherry on top: Adding meditation to your routine.

7.     Sports.
Swimming, running, yoga, pilates... you choose! Anything that switches your focus from the problems in your head to your body and helps you love yourself even more.

8.     Candy Crush.
This is my personal favourite. I am at level 334 right now and I only play it when I feel like I am about to get anxious and I am in a public space.


Your recommendations.

1.     Religion. Being closer to God and practicing your faith.
2.     Splashing cold water on your face or hydrotherapy.
3.     Magnesium / B6 vitamins. They do help a lot. Probably the only pills I would recommend.
4.     If you really trust them and can be open, talking to a friend/family may be beneficial.
5.     Music (Ultimate cure)
6.     Organizing things around you: dishes, cleaning the house, redecorating. Practically finding ways to occupy your brain.
7.     Long walks in the evening.
8.     Alcohol. (I actually stopped drinking cause my anxieties would get much worse the morning after)

But you know what?
In the beginning my therapist told me that I should quit my job, change my country, fall in love and have a lot of sex.
And guess what? I did all that and forgot about all anxieties for at least 3 years.

Just find love that cures, not destroys you, a job that you love, a place that you enjoy.

Easy to say, hard to do. Go get started.

Threesomes are not always fun

July 13, 2019




“I think the reason my relationships don’t work out is because no one knows they’re signing up for a threesome” 

Because me and my anxiety, we go together.

 I don’t have a fear of intimacy, fear of commitment, fear of failure, fear of heartbreak, fear of long distance, fear of conflicts, fear of relationships. I have a fear that sometime between 2am and 5am my partner will see me uncontrollably shaking and rapidly breathing. I have a fear that he will look at me and consider me weak.

Few months ago, I couldn’t go out on a date. Try explaining to your date why you are having a panic attack as you sit and have that cup of chamomile tea. (God forbid any caffeine... Unless you feel like turning into an anxious Duracell bunny)

Eventually I overcame my fear of leaving my cocoon zone and faced another challenge. S-E-X. Don’t get me wrong, I am against reckless sexual relationships and one-night stands and generally nothing is better than having sex with your constant partner who you have feelings for, but sometimes I need affection as well. But how can one have sex if the slightest cardio activity makes them dizzy, causes rapid heartbeat and turns into a full-blown panic attack? 

So recently I’ve actually experienced how shameful it feels when the person next to you has to tolerate your anxieties and at the same time has no clue what to do if you are going through one, which is why below you have a guide on how to date a person with anxieties:

1. Educate yourself.

If you actually decided you want to build something with a person who has anxieties, try to let go of your judgments and stereotypes. People with panic attacks are not overly nervous and fearful, their body is just more sensitive to the stress. Learning a bit about the symptoms of panic disorders allows you to have a better idea on what to expect. Obviously, you will soon realize that panic attacks are not deadly and will remind your partner about this when needed.

2. Be patient.

All good things come to those who wait.
Unfortunately, majority of panic attacks are unanticipated. Trust me we already feel ashamed that this is happening to us, so the last thing we need is seeing you being annoyed, worried or feeling disgust. You can just give a hug and say “I am here for you”.

3. Quit playing.

People with anxieties cannot tolerate dishonesty, so for once do yourself a favor and communicate clearly, honestly and with confidence. If you are into this whole “I will ghost them for 3 days and then reappear” game then you probably should just quit this whole relationship from the start.

4. It’s not about you, honestly.

For some reason 99,9% will believe that they are the cause of an anxiety. Chill, the world does not revolve around you, there are much bigger issues. No, you are not reason of their unhappiness. No, it’s not you who makes them suffer, it’s their mind.

5. You are not a therapist.

I know you want to help and I know you want to understand what is going on with your partner but sometimes therapy is the answer. That doesn’t mean they don’t trust you but rather that they need some stranger to come and help clean the mess in their heads and leave unnoticed. You can always be a good friend, listen to them, give advices, but don’t shrink them.

And remember that nobody is perfect and unfortunately most of us have our own struggles and types of anxieties we face daily and this is what makes us unique.