Threesomes are not always fun
July 13, 2019
“I think the reason my relationships don’t work out is because no one knows they’re signing up for a threesome”
Because me and my anxiety, we go together.
I don’t have a fear of intimacy, fear of commitment, fear of failure, fear of heartbreak, fear of long distance, fear of conflicts, fear of relationships. I have a fear that sometime between 2am and 5am my partner will see me uncontrollably shaking and rapidly breathing. I have a fear that he will look at me and consider me weak.
I don’t have a fear of intimacy, fear of commitment, fear of failure, fear of heartbreak, fear of long distance, fear of conflicts, fear of relationships. I have a fear that sometime between 2am and 5am my partner will see me uncontrollably shaking and rapidly breathing. I have a fear that he will look at me and consider me weak.
Few months ago, I couldn’t go out on a date. Try
explaining to your date why you are having a panic attack as you sit and have
that cup of chamomile tea. (God forbid any caffeine... Unless you feel like
turning into an anxious Duracell bunny)
Eventually I overcame my fear of leaving my cocoon
zone and faced another challenge. S-E-X. Don’t get me wrong, I am against
reckless sexual relationships and one-night stands and generally nothing is
better than having sex with your constant partner who you have feelings for,
but sometimes I need affection as well. But how can one have sex if the
slightest cardio activity makes them dizzy, causes rapid heartbeat and turns
into a full-blown panic attack?
So recently I’ve actually experienced how shameful it
feels when the person next to you has to tolerate your anxieties and at the
same time has no clue what to do if you are going through one, which is why
below you have a guide on how to date a person with anxieties:
1. Educate yourself.
1. Educate yourself.
If you actually decided you want to build something
with a person who has anxieties, try to let go of your judgments and
stereotypes. People with panic attacks are not overly nervous and fearful, their
body is just more sensitive to the stress. Learning a bit about the symptoms of
panic disorders allows you to have a better idea on what to expect. Obviously,
you will soon realize that panic attacks are not deadly and will remind your
partner about this when needed.
2. Be patient.
All good things come to those who wait.
Unfortunately, majority of panic attacks are unanticipated. Trust me we already feel ashamed that this is happening to us, so the last thing we need is seeing you being annoyed, worried or feeling disgust. You can just give a hug and say “I am here for you”.
Unfortunately, majority of panic attacks are unanticipated. Trust me we already feel ashamed that this is happening to us, so the last thing we need is seeing you being annoyed, worried or feeling disgust. You can just give a hug and say “I am here for you”.
3. Quit playing.
People with anxieties cannot tolerate dishonesty, so
for once do yourself a favor and communicate clearly, honestly and with
confidence. If you are into this whole “I will ghost them for 3 days and then
reappear” game then you probably should just quit this whole relationship from
the start.
4. It’s not about you, honestly.
For some reason 99,9% will believe that they are the
cause of an anxiety. Chill, the world does not revolve around you, there are
much bigger issues. No, you are not reason of their unhappiness. No, it’s not
you who makes them suffer, it’s their mind.
5. You are not a therapist.
I know you want to help and I know you want to
understand what is going on with your partner but sometimes therapy is the
answer. That doesn’t mean they don’t trust you but rather that they need some
stranger to come and help clean the mess in their heads and leave unnoticed. You
can always be a good friend, listen to them, give advices, but don’t shrink
them.
And remember that nobody is perfect and unfortunately
most of us have our own struggles and types of anxieties we face daily and this
is what makes us unique.
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