How Tinder-ella was looking for her shoe
July 16, 2019
“To the left, to the left. To the left, to the left.” – as Beyonce sings.
Below lies a story of a person who got shadow-banned by Tinder, was
unmatched several times due to brutal honesty and generally used it for anything
but dating.
This sums up my Tinder experience. Thank you and good luck.
Ever since the launch, I’ve always disliked this app.
Ever since my ex-boyfriend, who loved this app, couldn’t keep it in his pants and proposed an Open Relationship to which I agreed eventually (Concerts, touring, groupies... let’s be honest) because I must’ve really really really loved him and barely loved myself back then.
Ever since my ex-boyfriend, who loved this app, couldn’t keep it in his pants and proposed an Open Relationship to which I agreed eventually (Concerts, touring, groupies... let’s be honest) because I must’ve really really really loved him and barely loved myself back then.
I used to find it snobbish, shallow and everything but an app to
meet people. An app to meet bodies? Probably. An app to fill in the gaps and temporarily escape loneliness? Most definitely.
However, all good things come to an end and I found myself on the “Single”
market again. With a bunch of existential questions in my head about love and
relationships and after spending years working in nightlife / music industries
surrounded by a specific type of men, I hit the ‘download’ button and signed
up for this flesh rollercoaster.
Apart from getting bunch of “hahah!” screenshots from people I know who saw my profile (you guys do realize that you were using the app too, right?),
I was also lucky that in the past 8 months I took over 16 planes so I unwillingly
did some research and made conclusions.
·
You can do a 5-day festival line up based on all the DJ’s and producers
you will find in Berlin in one day.
·
French men are as beautiful as they lie. It’s directly proportional. Give
me these boys when I was innocent and naive and I would probably have the most
beautiful heartbreak.
·
In Lebanon you don’t use Tinder unless you want to find out who is
cheating on who.
·
Forget about “we will share a Pepperoni pizza and drive around on his vespa”
in Rome.
·
In Armenia they will find you in real life if you don’t answer.
·
Georgians are too busy living and enjoying their wine.
·
In Moscow men are so spoiled, that they will tell you how tall, skinny
and smart you have to be. Also add a line in bio that all women are
gold-diggers.
& many many more.
In reality, this application is already extra awkward and you are
meeting under very specific circumstances, so you will most probably have one
of the two following scenarios:
a)
Your date will either be boring as fuck, because they won’t know how to
behave and what to say or be extremely nervous.
b)
Your date will be super awesome and they will be super interesting and
entertaining which will lead you to thinking that they do this often and this
just kills all the vibe.
After going on several dates (didn’t lead to anything), I will
tell you that:
- There are so many interesting people you can meet and conversations you
can have but all the magic disappears once you are facing each other.
- If you are into “natural” things a.k.a searching for feelings, forget
about this app because it kills all the thrill and possible sparks between you
two.
- It’s the easiest way to meet new people if you moved to a new country and
not sure which direction to go once you leave your couch (I HOWEVER NEED FEMALE
FRIENDS IN BERLIN, PLEASE?)
- You need to be honest about what you are looking for. Relationship? One-night
stand? Fuck buddy? Don’t play this game if you get easily hurt.
- It’s a great way to promote an event to foreigners in town or make
business connections (guilty as charged)
Now we all heard about this mysterious friend of a friend who
found their soulmate on this app and got married and lived happily ever after.
I’ve personally never met this “friend” and have a strong feeling that this is
a wonderful marketing myth seeded by the app itself.
And guys, we already have so many apps. Please lock your phone screen,
get brave and come up to that cute stranger on the street. Does more magic,
trust me.
I’ve spent 8 months on the app and I will continue using it only in foreign countries and only when all of my local friends are busy but I feel like hanging out.
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