July 18, 2019. I am having a get-together with my girlfriends. A farewell “Pho Bo”. These get-togethers became a tradition, each time I pack my suitcase. Our next one is going to be in October but right now I don’t know about this. I don’t know how long I am going for, what’s my end destination and what I will be doing exactly.

If somebody told me a year ago that I will leave my comfort zone and let my inner “vagabond child” run wild and free, I’d probably laugh in their face. Me? A person who is so pragmatic, strategic about every single detail in her life, who never goes anywhere without having Plan A, B, C, D, E & etc?  

All these years I’ve scrolled through Social Media accounts of my “wanderlusted” friends, feeling slightly envious while sitting at my 9am to ... (whoever says it’s 5 pm is full of bullshit) job and being shy and even scared to ask for an annual leave. Today I am writing this while sitting on a very uncomfortable chair, in the desert of Saudi Arabia and experiencing extreme heat conditions.

I constantly get messages from people who are probably scrolling my feed in their offices, asking me what do I do for a living and how come I travel so much. I am not going to dive into details of my professional background but talk about something else today.

THINGS TRAVELERS DON’T TELL YOU ABOUT.

Life in a suitcase.

Honestly, I cannot remember the last time I had to do my laundry without rushing to another place. I cannot even remember the last time I unpacked my suitcase fully. Not to mention ironing. I mean it becomes a norm and you convince everyone around you and yourself that wrinkled clothing is the new thing.

Keep your smartie pants off.

There comes a point where you should stop showing off your language skills and just accept that you can’t say a word, because eventually your brain will glitch and you will start saying GRACIAS to people in Italy and DANKE to people in UAE. Embarrassing.

“You can’t sit with us”

You don’t have enough time to adapt and integrate into the culture of the new country you are in. Even worse, once you go back to your motherland, you feel like you’ve changed too much to fit back in. Accept it, you are an outcast and your jokes are shit now.

Friends are not that easy to find.

Yes, you get to meet soooo many people. But what really warms my heart is being able to see familiar and favourite faces at least once in a few months and have a heart-to-heart with them. Proper human connection, when everything around you stops and you have these 3-4 precious hours with a person you can call your friend, before you have to take off again and run somewhere.

Inability to build a relationship.

You’re lonely. You’re lonely when you go out. You’re lonely when you go back to your hotel room. Eventually you stop investing yourself in meaningless relationships because what’s the point if next week you will be in a different location. While your friends back home are being able to take their relationships to a next level, you hug your pillow tight at night, trying to comfort yourself with a thought: “I am so lucky, I get to see so many things!”

You are everywhere and nowhere.

My sister started her university – I wasn’t there. My parents are growing old – I am not there. My friends are celebrating their birthdays, weddings and other special occasions – I am not there. My best friends need me, I am not there. And no whatsapp call, no Facetime chat, no voicenote will be able to fully share with me these precious moments.

Traveling will break you and will make you whole again. You will cry like a little b*tch on a plane while going through an extreme turbulence, you will have nervous breakdowns about missed connecting flights and late taxis, you will grow apart with people back home, you will learn how to nap anywhere, you will start appreciating small things like soft pillows and hot tea, you will fall in love with strangers and you will fall in love with cities. You will fall in love with your new self.

Because nothing evolves you and pushes you further like traveling. No book, no life coach, no relationship.